Who are you?  One of the most basic and simple questions in life.  How you answer the question may depend on where you are.  You can picture a social setting where someone you do not know approaches and asks, “Who are you?”  

Let’s begin with an exercise. Think about the worries and fears that drive your anxiety. When you have a sense of them, complete each of these statements with the first noun that comes to mind.

My worries and fears are like…

My responses to my worries and fears are like…

Looking back at the quote above, ask yourself: Did you select words that are fluid, soft, and gentle?  If you struggle with anxiety, probably not.

Let’s do an exercise. Take a moment to think of one of your favorite foods. Think of one that really enjoy. I’ll play along as well. For me, it is my mom’s German chocolate cake. Don’t just think of it. Really imagine it sitting there in front of you. Bring the image to life as deeply as you can. Picture what it looks like; notice all the different colors and textures.

Mindfulness is being in contact with the present moment as it is happening, from a place of nonjudgmental acceptance.  You welcome whatever is happening in the world around you and the world inside of you. This conscious awareness of the present moment is important when you are dealing with something like anxiety. 

When dealing with all the thoughts and feelings that go with anxiety, it is not unusual to try and avoid them. In fact, from the perspective of the thinking part of your mind, this makes sense. After all, who wants to have these disturbing thoughts and feelings? So we come up with all kinds of strategies to avoid them. In his book, ACT Made Simple, Dr. Russ Harris gives you a way to identify the different ways you try to avoid your anxiety.

Thoughts and feelings can come and go; they can be all over the place. But this observing self allows you to feel the difference between this thought or feeling, these actions, and YOU. From the place of the observing self, you have enough flexibility to choose how you want to be in any situation, in the presence of any thought or feeling, no matter how distressing it might be.

It is easy to become so fused with thoughts like “I am shy” or “I am unloved.” You don’t even notice it happens. And yet, every time you say, “I am…,” you become what comes after the “I am.” So if you say “I am anxious” or “I am worried,” it is like you are saying something about your essential self, instead of something that is happening to you. But the truth is thoughts and feelings are a part of you. But they are not YOU.

It is easy for problems like anxiety to push us around. That is hard to admit; in fact, you may resist the idea. But it really can happen. It can begin the moment you start to feel the anxiety. The world around you says that anxiety is not a good thing. It tells you that the presence of anxiety is a problem, and it might even suggest that you are a problem for having it.

All of us have had the experience of getting caught up in good book or great movie. Or you have been engrossed in a deep conversation. Maybe you have been wrapped up in planning a vacation you are looking forward to or solving a problem a problem at work. There are those times you are in the flow during a tennis match or a game of golf. Or it could be that you are reveling in some moments daydreaming in the hammock. It’s not unusual to lose all track of time when you are so caught up in moments like these. These times are some of life’s greatest pleasures.

Some time ago, I was working with a client who was struggling with anxiety and panic. During one of our sessions, as he talked about a particularly difficult bout of anxiety, I noticed that his hands were clenched together on his lap. This is not unusual; after all, when you talk about the feeling of anxiety, it is something that you feel in your body. Clenched hands. Tightness in some part of your body. Rapid heartbeat. A general feeling of being on edge.