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To address a problem like anxiety, it is good to have a clear understanding of all of its components. Perhaps it sounds strange to talk about the components of anxiety; isn’t anxiety just a feeling we have. Well, feelings are one part of anxiety, but it has other elements as well. It is important have a deep understanding of the anatomy of anxiety so we know how to respond to it and treat it.
Fear and anxiety are a normal and natural part of living. We are born with the capacity to experience fear and anxiety. Of course, you may already know that since it seems you are living with these two feelings all the time. But what are fear and anxiety? How are they similar? How are they different? What role do they play in our lives?
According to John and Julie Gottman, one of the building blocks for building a sound relationship is the expression of fondness and admiration. Those words can be an invitation to deepen the relationship with our partner. For example, the word “fondness” comes from a Middle English word that mean “to be foolish” or “to be simple.” Or take the word “admiration.” It comes from an Old French word that means “astonishment or surprise.” It can also mean to “regard with wonder.”
As an alternative to weekly therapy, my Intensive Couples Therapy offers a condensed and focused approach, allowing you the extended time you need to address specific problems between you so you can get your relationship back on track. You will have uninterrupted time (up to 4-5 hours each day) to talk in depth about the struggles of the relationship in a way that is not available in weekly marriage counseling.
Anxiety and stress are part of life, but in order to keep them from controlling our lives we must develop a new relationship with them. This new relationship happens by being aware of the stress and anxiety when it is actually happening, seeing what it looks and feels like and choosing a different response. Mindfulness is what helps us do that.
We go around appraising situations all the time: at home, at work, in the car, in our relationships, in social settings. We aren’t aware of this appraising because most of these situations are within our normal range of experience. But if we decide that a situation has some degree of danger to our security, or it’s something we can’t handle, our body goes into what has been called a “fight or flight” mode. This is our bodies’ way of keeping us aware and alert so we can decide what to do in this threatening situation.
