Trauma, in its many forms, can cast long shadows over your life, influencing your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. One of the profound areas affected by trauma is intimacy. Whether the trauma is rooted in childhood experiences, abusive relationships, or other distressing events, it can disrupt the ability to form and maintain intimate connections.
The Nature of Trauma
Trauma is an emotional response to distressing events like accidents, abuse, natural disasters, or violence. It can leave individuals feeling helpless, fearful, and distant from their own emotions. The impact of trauma varies, with some experiencing acute symptoms, while others might suffer from long-term psychological and physical effects.
There are different types of traumas. Acute trauma results from a single event like a car accident or an act of violence. Chronic trauma involves repeated and prolonged events like domestic violence or sexual abuse. Complex trauma involves exposure to multiple traumatic events that are often very invasive and deeply interpersonal.
When you experience a traumatic event, your mind and your body go into survival mode. If this survival response is not completed, your nervous system does not return to its normal functioning. This can lead to emotional and physical intimacy issues. For example, here in Oklahoma, I have worked with many people who have experienced natural disasters like a tornado or flooding. Afterwards, many of them wonder if their feelings toward a loved one has changed because they feel distant or uninterested in sexual or physical affection.
The reason why you feel this way may have nothing to do with your love for the other person. It may be related to the trauma you’ve experienced. Trauma sends your body into fight-flight-freeze mode as a way to protect you. If these responses do not subside, they can impact intimacy with your loved ones.
Here are some ways trauma can impact intimacy.
1. Emotional Disconnection
Trauma can erect barriers, making it difficult for individuals to trust and open up. After a traumatic event, you may experience emotional numbness. This numbness comes from a heightened sense of vulnerability. In an attempt to avoid emotional pain, you numb yourself, so you don’t feel any emotions at all. This can lead to a significant disconnect in relationships. If this disconnect is not addressed your partner may find it challenging to understand your emotional needs. This can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
2. Physical Intimacy
For many, trauma can result in a heightened sensitivity to touch, making physical closeness uncomfortable or even painful. This aversion can strain relationships as your partner might misinterpret the avoidance as rejection.
3. Struggles with Communication
Effective communication is an important part of any intimate relationship. If you are a trauma survivor, you might struggle with expressing your feelings and needs. Being in constant survival mode, you don’t feel safe enough to share the deep feelings and needs that are part of a close relationship. You may also become overly reactive. Because you are chronically on edge, you interpret neutral statements as threats. These communication struggles can widen the emotional distance between you and your partner.
4. Struggles with Trust
Trauma, especially if it comes from betrayal or abuse, can make you feel like there is no place in the world that is safe. This absence of safety can include your close relationships and result in a struggle with trusting your partner. This mistrust leads to monitoring your partner’s behavior or interpreting their behaviors in the worst light.
My trauma counseling specialty page shares information about how therapy can help you in the struggle with intimacy that is related to trauma. Through counseling, you will learn how to be present with the thoughts, feelings, and bodily discomfort of trauma without being overwhelmed by them. This will allow you to open communication with your partner. It will allow you to rebuild trust and be more open to honest and vulnerable connection.