In 1987, psychologist Daniel Goleman wrote a book popularizing the idea of emotional intelligence (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ). There are several skills that make up emotional intelligence. One of the most important skills is the ability to identify your emotions.
Since Goleman’s book, there have been lots of studies that explore the benefit of identifying your emotions when they are happening. Many of these studies suggest that if you have the ability to differentiate difficult feelings in the moment, you are less likely to react to those feelings in unhelpful or harmful ways. When you have an episode of anxiety or stress, the ability to name your emotions specifically and with some nuance can make that episode less severe.
This naming of emotions is especially helpful for those who struggle with depression. When your depression is there, your emotional awareness is blunted.
When I ask people who struggle with depression to share their emotions, often the responses are vague: I feel bad. I feel off. These descriptions don’t give you a lot of information about the subtleties and complexities of the emotions that make up a depressive episode.
Before considering some ideas about how to identify your emotions, it is important to answer the question: What, exactly is an emotion? It is a word we use a lot in therapy, but never really explore what we are talking about when we talk about emotions.
In the March/April 2024 issue of Psychology Today, Katrina McCoy offers this definition of emotion from neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett. Emotion is “your brain’s creation of what your bodily sensations mean about what is going on around you in the world.”
When talking about emotions, we locate them in our hearts or our minds, but emotions begin in the body. Imagine that you feel your heart racing and a shortness of breath. Instead of being present and accepting of these bodily sensations, almost immediately, your brain offers an interpretation of these sensations. You are feeling fear. This interpretation can be a good thing. You become more aware of your surroundings so that you can identify, understand, and respond to the source of your fear.
Unfortunately, this process can be unhelpful and debilitating as well. Instead of fear, your brain tells you that the racing heart and shortness of breath are anxiety or panic. And your mind doesn’t stop there; it keeps going. It reminds you of the panic you felt in the past. It tells you to get a hold of the anxiety or it is going to get worse. It tries to analyze and come up with an explanation for why you are anxious. It may even generate some harsh and critical statements about you because you can’t control this anxiety. What began as some bodily sensations has become a full-blown anxiety attack.
This can happen with depression as well. You wake up, and your body feels heavy or lethargic. Almost immediately, your brain tells you: This is your depression. And from there, it gives you thoughts like: Why can’t you control this? There is nothing you can do about it; you might as well just call in sick and stay home. What began as some bodily sensations has been a full-blown depressive episode.
So, one thing you can do to help you identify your emotions is to be simply present with and accepting of the bodily sensations.
You will feel your mind wanting to take over. Thank the mind for its concern and return your attention to what is happening in your body. This mindful awareness can give you the wisdom to know what to do next,
In her article McCoy says it is to expand the vocabulary you use to describe emotions. See if you can go beyond “I’m sad” or “I’m down” or even “I’m depressed.” Could you be experiencing disappointment? Or grief? Or concern?
Sometimes I will ask my clients: When your depression shows up, what does it look like? Does it have a shape or color? Does it have a size? What is the depression telling you about yourself and your situation? What do you think of what it is saying?
All of these practices can help you become curious about your emotions, and from that curious stance, you gain the psychological flexibility to respond in a way more aligned with your values. To learn more, please visit my depression treatment page.