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Earlier I wrote a blog that talked about the difference between fear and anxiety (Fear and Anxiety: What are They?). I described how fear is focused on the present, a real threat that is right in front of you. It is fair to say that COVID-19 is more than right in front of us; it is all around us. Not just the spread of the virus but the media coverage about it.
One the significant barriers to getting beyond your anxiety is to frame it as something wrong with you that you have to fix, or a problem that you have to solve. When you view anxiety this way, the only options you have are to avoid or fight off the thoughts and feelings that contribute to your anxiety. And yet, the truth is everybody, everybody, experiences anxiety.
If you go to my specialty page on Depression Treatment, you will read about an approach to dealing with depression that does not focus on gaining control of and eliminating the thoughts and feelings of depression. You will learn how depression does not mean that there is something wrong with you; it is not a problem that you have to fix. Instead, depression means that there are some ways of thinking and acting that are not working for you; they are working against how you want to live your life.
The word for today: Appreciation. The most common definition of appreciation is recognizing and enjoying the good qualities of someone or something. It comes from the Latin word, appretiare, which means to set as a price, to appraise. To appreciate someone or something is more than noticing, saying “Isn’t that nice,” and moving on. To appreciate is to know, to feel, and to enjoy the deep value that this object, this place, or this person has in your life. To appreciate is to “set a price” for all of these things, not in some economic sense, but in what they add to your life.
There are two components that play a role in your anxiety: thoughts and feelings. In a previous post I considered the way our thinking can contribute to anxiety (Loosening the Grip of Your Mind’s Stories). In this post I want to consider our feelings. First of all, what are we really talking about when we consider feelings or emotions. Let’s take anxiety for example. When you say you are feeling anxious, what is happening? Emotions happen mostly in our bodies.
There may be nothing more beautiful than a sunrise, except perhaps a sunset. Sunsets begin with a first hint of light. Gradually, the light increases and gives you a display of color that grows until the sun climbs over the horizon. Sunrises tend to evoke awe and wonder. It is not just the colors; it is the promise of the end of darkness and the beginning of a new day. It is not unusual for an individual or a group to watch a sunrise in silence. Everyone is caught up in the experience. And yet, there is a way that the mind can take us out of the wonder of the sunrise.
In Oklahoma, the state where I live, we have some amazing sunsets. Over the last few weeks, several of my Facebook friends have posted some pictures of glorious sunsets (not so many sunrises…I wonder what that is about). It could be that the sunsets have been particularly brilliant; I like to think it is because the corona virus is keeping people at home and they are taking advantage of these amazing gifts nature is offering them.
In his book, ACT with Love, Dr. Russ Harris uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help couples understand some of the dynamics of marriage. The book is very practical, offering a variety of practices that can help you strengthen and vitalize your marriage. Dr. Harris begins his book by describing four of the more common myths about marriage. After a brief description of these myths, I will make some comments about the power of these ideas and the way they shape our understanding, and experience, of marriage.
Imagine that you aren’t satisfied with your job. You have options. You can quit your job and look for another, or you can get some training for a new direction in your career. Or suppose that you have a close friend to whom you haven’t spoken in years. You can reach out to them by phone, Facebook, or email. You aren’t satisfied with your physical condition, so you join a gym, get a personal trainer, and start to work out. All of these situations have something in common. You see something about your life that you want to change, you figure out what actions will help you with that change, and you do them.
